Everyday I go out and check my little garden, seeking new growth and hunting tomato bugs, cutting away zucchini leaves so the two little peppers (not the Five Little Peppers, but, you know, I loved that book as a kid….) can get just a tiny taste of sun but somehow I found a giant zucchini hanging down the side like, yes, a dildo  (a dildo for a giant) that had escaped my notice entirely. It’s not a big garden, but those zucchini, they are wily……I find them embarrassing to look at, frankly.

———

I went to work today even though I am off contract, to change and finish my syllabi to reflect my late start to the semester, to leave instructions for my work study, to email my classes to explain cancellations/delays, and to otherwise smooth the way as much as possible for my coworkers while I am gone. I will miss the first two weeks of classes. I was given very sage, very correct advice that I am under no obligation to manage my own medical absence, and when I thought I was going to be gone a month or better, I agreed. However, whatever I do now will make my return that much the smoother, and maybe there will be points for being a trooper, maybe not–but I feel better leaving things in order than not. And, if there are complications either at the time or down the road with my health, then I may well simply disappear and they will have to figure out how to get along without me anyway.

———-

In addition to the upcoming Epicardial VT Ablation, I have an antibiotic-resistant ear infection and had four migraines last week. Yesterday was the MRI of my brain. This is how that went:

I had an appointment for an MRI at 3:45. As usual, they required me to be there earlier than that, and I was, arriving at 3:20. Then I waited. And waited. And after my appointment was 45 minutes ago, I requested to know WTH was up? Oh, they don’t know. There is some scurrying about. More time goes by. They ask if I am claustrophobic and I say yes, I am, but since I didn’t plan on freaking moving in there, if the closed one is available I’ll take it. Okay, they’ll see..so, that one has an APPOINTMENT at 4:30, but maybe she can take me afterward. Oh, great, yeah, see, but I had an appointment at 3:45. Yes, but there is someone at 4:30 who has an appointment. Okay. I wait. At around 5:00 the receptionist says that “She will take you now, she is STAYING LATE to do your scan.”

I say, “I am so sorry, but you seem to think you are doing me a favor. If someone has to stay late to do their job, that sounds like what happens when you make an appointment for someone and then can’t keep it. *I* paid *YOU* for this privilege.”

Her: “Well, I know, yes, but she IS staying late.”

Me: “No. *I* am staying late. Very, very late. Do you understand what I am saying to you? I AM STAYING LATE and I am not going to fall all over myself because someone else is going to have to do the job they are being paid to do.”

Her: “Oh. Well. Yes.” pause “You could talk to the manager…well, I mean, he’s already left for the day so I could have him call you or you could call him tomorrow.”

Me: Puts hand up. “Stop. I need to get this scan done, okay? I really can’t talk to you about anything else right now.”

Her: “Oh. Oh. Okay then.”

The Lady whose appointment is after mine: “You said it.”

I am so exhausted by the way I am treated as a patient. As if I’m not paying for the service they are providing. The stress of this sort of thing takes away from the reserves one needs to deal with being unwell in the first place.